Archive for beating addiction

Party wipe of one

Late update on my quest to slay The Sinister Dragon:

So…I managed three months of being free of snus. The thing that got me in the end was the unexpected gain of weight. Without being aware of it I substituted the tobacco with food. Like an assassin it crept up behind me and wounded me deeply. In that state I was left with only two choices: becoming a fat bastard or walk back to the dragon and beg him to help me – I chose the latter and was once again one of many in the dragon’s legions of minions.

However, I do not consider it a total loss; I know now that I am able to rid of my addiction to snus, I only need a better strategy next time. One day I will succeed to defeat The Sinister Dragon

[The End of Episode One - roll credits]
Me - The hero Varis
 Snus - The Sinister Dragon
 Kickstarter - sidekick to the hero
 Food - The Bloody Assassin
Special thanks to everyone who know me
No vegetables were harmed during this quest, however...
...a lot of animals were killed, cooked, and eaten

Footnote: Three Kickstarter projects were aided and successfully funded during this quest.

The great escape

“Now, this was awkward. Varis had stopped at the inn to get a drink, but before he could reach for his knives his mind went completely blank, his body sort of paralysed, and he fell to the ground. He was still conscious as he felt someone drag him around the corner from the inn and into the dark woods behind it. How had he not noticed someone sneaking up on him like that, and why couldn’t he move? What little light there were before was now gone and when his head seemed to run straight into a mountain side, he lost whatever thought he had about that, along with any other thoughts he may have had.

The dank room was spinning faster and faster. He was nauseous. The darkness welled up from within and came up through his mouth and again, all was dark. Days passed-or was it weeks? He didn’t know. He couldn’t think. All he could do was scream until his insides felt like a forest fire. Demons danced all around him. The filthy green, ugly, stinking demons. They laughed at him, kicked him, spat in his face, and poured a foul tar-like substance into his mouth. At times he was barely conscious, but other times he was clear-minded enough to make himself throw up whatever they’d force him to eat and drink. He was becoming physically weaker, but his head was starting to see what was real and what was not.

He was still alive, but he knew that he wouldn’t be for long if he stayed. How these goblins had managed to make him captive, and why they hadn’t killed him yet, he did not know and he wasn’t planning on finding out, either. This time they hadn’t fed him with the usual rotted meats and goo, instead they had given him water that was almost fresh and he had gulped it down like it was his last hour and his last drink. Maybe it was, he didn’t care. He needed to get out of there. His jailor turned to leave and Varis straightened the chains between his hands and threw it over the goblin’s head and made it tight around his throat.

-Shhh…there, there. I wish I could say that this isn’t personal, but…well, you know…it is.”

It’s been a little more than a month. It did not really turn out the way I expected. The part with me writing about the whole thing, I mean. The experience of quitting was way too intense. I was constantly in a bad mood. Misanthropy took over and it seems that I was kind of mean to people at times (although I saw it as being honest and truthful at those times, as I recall). Within two weeks I gained enough weight to set me back to the 90’s health wise. I still crave Snus at certain times, but I never give in.

I think I’m through the worst part now, but it took the better part of a month to make it. I have not used Snus once since the last time I wrote about it. Come Friday at midnight I’ve been off Snus for five weeks.

I can honestly say that I am free from it now. I don’t think it will ever really give me up, though, but I have given up on it, and that is what matters.

I’m sorry that I haven’t written about the progress of my Kickstarter projects. I am also sorry that there is to this date no more than two, instead of at least 10 of them, but hopefully I’ll get down to that now that I’m not as cranky anymore.

Charm City MapsKickstarter update

The first project that i backed was successfully backed – Steep Tea Co : Steep Jeep Mobile Tea Bar. Yay!

The other project that I’m backing is Charm City Maps – Canvas & Leather Fantasy Maps of Your City. They need $3000 by Monday or they’re screwed. Why I’m backing them? It seems silly enough. Also, who wouldn’t want a map of their city like that? I want one.

No turning back now

“Varis Naïlo woke up with an eerie feeling. He knew that there was no turning back now — it had begun. Earlier that week Varis had decided that it was time to break the bond between him and the dragon. It once started with innocent curiosity, but the bond between the two had strengthened quickly, soon turning Varis into an almost mindless slave to the dragon. He would have it no more. Of course he had tried to break the spell over him several times before, but he’d been too weak, leaving him worse off than before every time he tried. Lately, however, he could feel the dragon wanting no less than all, but a strange light had started to grow within Varis, seeming to give him strength and pushing away the darkness from his mind. The light was faintly visible under his naked skin and it gave him some strange sense of empowerment and it seemed to whisper wordlessly to him. He knew what he would have to do: the dragon had to die. There would be no other way to regain his freedom.”

Cat biting fingerLast night just before midnight my stock of snus ran out, and I felt good and was at peace with that. This morning when I first opened my eyes I still felt the same way, but it did not take long before the first wave of withdrawal effects hit me. At the moment I’m fighting them off with snacks, but that will neither be good or effective in the long run. I’ve found that looking for Kickstarter projects to back and when I’m writing, I can hold off the desire to give in to my habit quite efficiently. Although, I bite my fingers more than usual now, and harder, but I think my fingers can take it — they’ll have to.

The first project to back I found by browsing Kickstarter for almost two hours. It’s actually a lot harder than I expected to find projects that I like. So, this method of distraction seems to work. Yay! Here’s the first project being backed by the coming slaying of the dragon: Steep Tea Co : Steep Jeep Mobile Tea Bar. I like tea, and I like it for someone to bring it to me, so why not be part of making sure people in Oakland get their tea?

a tea-mobile

The start of an epic adventure

SnusI am having trouble with quitting using snus and having this trouble, I might add, is the very definition of having an addiction. So, I’m an addict, a nicotine addict, and I have been for about 8 years. To be honest I have mostly enjoyed it, but for quite some time now—not a bit. Actually, I find the habit enormously annoying and I am very disturbed by the fact that I cannot, it seems, by any means quit. I’ve tried to quit many times and the longest I’ve managed to be without it is 11 days. Today that changes.

During lunch today I talked it over with a friend and he suggested several different tactics and one of them being that I should reward myself with something equivalent to the value of the biweekly cost of my habit. That sounded like a good idea, but the problem is that I always get what I want, when I want. But it was still a good idea, so what could it be? What would be both a distraction from the habit and a reward for not using nicotine this way? I’m not sure how we got on to the subject of Kickstarter projects (more specific, crowdfunded roleplaying games), but there it was: the perfect reward. It would not only distract me in my time of withdrawal, but it would also give me something in return, and as a bonus it would give something to all those people with visions and dreams on Kickstarter. That seemed like an excellent idea. So, now I’m going to take it from an idea and make it happen.

It’s no secret that I love roleplaying games like Dungeons and Dragons, Pathfinder, The One Ring, Call of Cthulhu, and many others, so I’ll also be turning this into a game of sorts. For myself, at least. I am going to award myself experience points and level up as I go along. When I reach level 20 I will have gone through what I consider to be an epic adventure, and I will once again be a free man. The major quest in this adventure will be to slay my mortal enemy, The Sinister Dragon (a.k.a. The Addiction, a.k.a. Snus).The Sinister Dragon

The Rewards
Every two weeks I will back a Kickstarter project of my liking for about €50-€60, and every 4th of them will be chosen randomly from any of the projects. The random project will be chosen from one of the 15 categories on Kickstarter using a D20 (allowing only 1 through 15 to be valid) and from that category I will choose one randomly by using a D100.

Experience points (XP)
For every battle I win against my addiction I will reward myself XP. A won battle can be: not going to the store to buy snus, not talking about how much I want snus, not be in a grumpy mood because of the withdrawal, and so on. You get the idea. Should I slip, there must be consequences, but I do not yet know what they could be. I’m not sure if I’ll receive anything by going up in level, but if I come to think of anything good, I’ll let you know.

I will start this weekend and continuously write about my progress and, of course, present all the projects I back as I go on. I find all of it very exciting. Anyway, the whole thing is about leaving the addiction behind, and to help fund the dreams and ideas found on Kickstarter. Turning the whole thing into a game is just plain fun. Although, in this particular game of life, losing is not an option: “There can be only one.”