Sep 052011
 

It’s the 11th of May and there’s a tree in full bloom outside my window. The sun makes it stand out against the building behind it and I just want to climb up into the tree and be there. Nothing else but just to be there, sitting on one of its branches, watching the people pass by and catch a few rays of sun between the flowers and the leaves.

I used to do that a lot as a child. Sometimes when I got fed up by being with my friends, I would climb up a tree with a book or something else to read and sit there for an hour or two. I’d watch the people walk by; I would listen in on their conversations and really love the fact that nobody knew I was there. Like a fly on the wall.

That feeling never went away as I grew older. It still comes back now and again, but it has been a long time since I climbed a tree. Instead I go to a cafe, which is much like sitting in a tree, except they all see me sitting there.

Perhaps some would say that it is bad listening in on other people’s conversations, but I look at it as a class room, a place for research. Without life and other people, I would have nothing to write about. Of course, I could write about myself and what happens to me, but that universe is not in itself big enough. This universe of mine (we each have our own) is a product of many things, including the people around me and I am the main explorer of it. However, even though almost endless, it’s not big enough.

The explorer in me wants to travel to every part of that universe which holds all our individual universes. My life is not going to be long enough, of course, but I aim to explore much more yet. For every place I go to, my own universe expands.

Aug 032011
 

Quest. Windmills. Love. Pain. Fears. Caution. Masks. Opportunities. Moment. Passed.

Suddenly, and again, all the world’s a stage… I’m a really bad actor.

Be. Love. Simple. Hero.

Jul 232011
 

Yesterday hatred, and/or perhaps insanity, showed its ugly face in Norway. Voices of anger and hatred are raised all over the world. I have no words of my own, so I’ll borrow a few:

“Returning hate for hate multiplies hate, adding deeper darkness to a night already devoid of stars. Darkness cannot drive out darkness: only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate: only love can do that. Hate multiplies hate, violence multiplies violence, and toughness multiplies toughness in a descending spiral of destruction. [...] The chain reaction of evil — hate begetting hate, wars producing more wars — must be broken, or we shall be plunged into the dark abyss of annihilation.”

Martin Luther King, Jr

Sometimes it seems that love in man is buried so far down, so deep inside, that I almost lose all of my own light. I have nothing but pain and tears to offer on a day like this. But tomorrow… I’ll still be loving you.

Jul 172011
 

A possible future book title:

“The One-sided Coin or How To Avoid Being A Complete Arsehole When Discussing Things.”

The subject is very dear to me.

Jun 262011
 

Aha!!! Jag tror jag har kommit på det: eftersom det för det mesta finns något som man tycker mindre om på ens tallrik (som t.ex. löv och grönsaksröror), så ska man spara det till sist. Sparar man det godaste till sist så vill man bara ha mer. Alltså ska man börja med efterrätten. En insikt av närmast religiösa proportioner.

I can feel it

 In English, Life, Love, People  Comments Off
Jun 082011
 

The time for my walkabout draws near. I can feel it in my bones and in my heart. I gave Crazy a crack on my skull and by a few swings of her sword I was left open with an empty chest for far too long. My lifeblood returns slowly and it will not again be spent by arrows that I myself pull back. Cause and effect; from this… there is no escape.

The time for my walkabout draws near. I can feel it in my bones and in my heart. I gave Crazy a crack on my skull and by a few swings of her sword I was left open with an empty chest for far too long. My lifeblood returns slowly and it will not again be spent by arrows that I myself pull back. Cause and effect; from this… there is no escape.
May 212011
 

We all love to be liked. What is more difficult to handle is the knowledge that someone does not like you. Especially if it’s a person you like.

I’m not always the smoothest person in the room and most of the time not silent. I take up space around me. Sometimes lots of it and sometimes less, but rarely no space at all. I speak, I act, I try to be funny, I try to be intelligent, but as I am only human, sometimes these things fail.

I have many nuances and layers – like most people – and even if I do restrain myself at times, most of the time I feel safe to be myself amongst my friends. This is where it gets tricky.

My friends have friends and these friends have become friends of mine over time, or so I’d like to think. But we are friends by proxy, meaning neither of us chose each other first hand – it is because we love our first friends that we let the new friends into our lives.

In this outer ring of friends, sometimes the chemistry stumbles and gets weird. We know that we have to accept and respect each other, but occasionally the chemistry is all wrong. We might not use the same language or have any common references other than our mutual friends. So, the communication and the friendship sometimes get a bit tense. And I’m not even going to mention how all this affects our mutual friends.

For me, at least, it’s difficult because I do like to be liked by the people that I like. I even like to be liked by people that I don’t like. So, when I’m not liked, I feel that there must be something wrong with me. Of course, I know that there’s not more wrong with me than there is with anyone else, but the feeling still pops up. It’s very annoying and, to me, even a bit heart-breaking.

But I must accept this. And perhaps show them some courtesy of self-restraint. It’s just that I find it very sad that I cannot be myself around everyone – especially around the ones I love. The ones that are close to me tell me when I get to be too much and, to me, that shows a lot of love. Another thing is time. Given enough time, we will probably sort it out one way or another. Things like these have a way of not staying quiet. Either it is resolved by love and understanding, or it is resolved by distance. I much prefer the first.

Morning rituals

 In English, Life  Comments Off
Apr 052011
 

However early or late I awake, the day never really starts until I’m in my bath. Without it I’m stuck in limbo. Sometimes it’s like that until the next morning. It’s here I wake up, balance myself and ponder what’s to be. The point of origin, the birth of the day. I’m reborn here every day.

In the bath

Place of birth

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